Coming Out

August 5, 2018

“I never became more queer. I can’t become less queer. But my awareness of myself – my falling-in-love, non-discriminatory silly starry-eyed self that falls in love with people whose funny, gentle, kind, fierce souls shine out through their eyes whether they’re men or women – that queerness is a thing that I have discovered over time. And that queerness, and my growing understanding and acceptance of it, is who I am.

Being queer doesn’t make my life any less a testament to the glory of God or the work of God’s spirit in my life or make me less wholly, entirely Jesus Christ’s.

The more queer I am, the more Christian I am.” [1]

selfie of me wearing glasses & showing off my new nose ring

Today I am publicly acknowledging something about myself that I have known for a while - I’m bisexual.

“I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted –– romantically and/or sexually –– to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.” [2]

tweet that says "are bisexuals born with nose rings or is it in our agenda"

In some ways, this announcement doesn’t change much. I’m still happily married to a man I love deeply, & I accepted that other people could be LGBTQ+ Christians well before I accepted that I, too, was part of that group. I haven’t had to make any huge theological shifts, I just had to accept that this part of me has always existed & will always exist.

So why bother coming out? Why bother telling the world that I’m bi? Several reasons, actually.

I want to be fully known. I don’t want to worry about accidentally outing myself. I want to be able to acknowledge the fact that I have had crushes on celebrities of all genders. I don’t want to hide myself because I’m afraid of the opinions and theology I was raised on.

But more than those personal things, I want to be visible. I want my life to be part of a conversation that is so very important & so very absent from many of the spaces I grew up in. LGBTQ+ folks exist even in those places where they are most condemned, but hiding from yourself & others always leads to pain & trauma. I also want to be visible because there are lots of misconceptions & stereotypes about bi+ people. A big part of tearing down those ideas is living visibly as a bi woman.

So, here are a few answers to frequently asked questions:

  • Jared supports & loves me because of who I am, not in spite of it
  • my marriage is doing great
  • I am no less capable of commitment in relationships because of my bisexuality
  • I am no more sexual or “promiscuous” than anyone else because of my bisexuality
  • in answer to any questions about my sex life, who I have or haven’t kissed in my life, etc.- that’s very weird to ask, please stop & reevaluate why you care

picture of me holding a bi pride flag in front of a street sign that reads "Gay Street"

Lastly, I want to thank those people who have become my closest friends & support system, even if you’re “just an internet friend.” You know who you are.

[1] Laura Jean Truman

[2] quote by Robyn Ochs